“Everything changes and nothing stays the same.” That's what most people say but, I don't believe them. There's so many things that don't change from one moment to the next. The way you feel about someone can stay with you forever even if you don't believe it. The way the rain looks when the sun shines through it, it's beauty never fails to surprise me that doesn't change. Just things that nobody really gives any importance to, those are the things that don't change.

Sometimes I look at you and think that nothing has changed at all not in all this time. Although everything has changed, nothing has too. The smiles and freckles and laughs and jokes are still the same, so never try to tell me we aren't the same people we were yesterday because I know you're wrong. 

Summertime sadness

Well summer's over. I'm back to school on Monday. (2 days) Someone shoot me please!
This summer has been a bit of a disappointment if I'm honest. It's too hard to describe really, my friends really let me down well most of them anyway. We barely even went to the pool or river or even went out. It sucked.
School isn't looking too great either, some of my friends have left for good and I'm not sure how many friends I'll have if I have any at all. I'll survive purely on the fact I only have 2 years until I'm out of here for good. I can't wait.
I was going to reinvent myself for the new school year but of course I haven't really got around to it. I'll just have to wait and see what happens.

SCHOOL SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sonrisas felices, miradas tristes

Supongo que porque no este abiertamente triste y mal todos los días nadie se da cuenta, o nadie se quiere dar cuenta. Hacen como si fueran ciegos para no tener que preocuparse por mi. Solo quiero que alguien me pregunte como estoy o como me ha ido el día. Que alguien sepa como estoy y me siga queriendo.
Parece ser que tener amigos buenos es demasiado pedir. Que triste, ellos viviendo sus vidas con sus amigos y siendo lo mas felices posibles, y yo en casa encerrada la mayoría de los días. No importa, sé que me reemplazarán.
Gracias, mientras tanto seguiré con mis falsas sonrisas y entusiasmo, espero que un día os deis cuenta de lo mucho que os quiero y lo poco caso que me hacéis.

Tick tock this is a clock

Time is always ticking away and we barely even acknowledge it, who really ever pays attention to the constant passing of time? We notice it when we're waiting for someone, or for something to end or to begin, when we're bored. Never when you're having fun, or when you're asleep. That's when time flies. Sometimes it seems like the time is barely even passing but, sometimes it runs away from you.
I don't want to wake up one day and ask myself where the time went. I never want to grow up and grow old, I want to be like Peter Pan and stay like this forever.
It's not fair, all most people want is a bit more time but, nobody is allowed to have more time, to fast-forward, pause and rewind time would make everything better. Too bad it's impossible. Who wouldn't want to spend more time with someone, go back in time and fix something and be able to make everything speed up when it gets difficult?
That's life for you, you can't go back or forwards or just make something last and eternity. So just enjoy every last moment before it's too late.

Lo que supuestamente debe ser uno de los mejores veranos de mi vida. Esto debería de haberse publicado ya hace un tiempo así que ya no viene tanto a cuento, lo siento :/

Ayer exactamente a las 14:45 empezó mi verano, mi estación del año preferido desde siempre. Yo soy una chica veraniega, me encanta el sol y la piscina y el río, los días calurosos y las noches interminables. Pero, ahora no lo deseo tanto, va a ser diferente, voy a estar totalmente sola.

No es que no tenga amigos, si tengo, lo que pasa es que parece que no les importo nada. Y a algunos de los que mas quiero no van a estar aquí, dos no van a volver. 

Quiero que alguien me pregunte como estoy y que le importe la respuesta, que me escuchen como yo les he escuchado y ayudado tantas veces, que me pregunten si quiero salir, pero lo que mas quiero es que no me reemplacen cuando sepan como de mal estoy.

Me espera un largo y solitario verano, saldré, vale si saldré pero solo porque no aguanto mas estar en casa. Me encanta estar con mis amigos pero parece que el sentimiento no es mutuo, si voy bien y si no pues nada.

Total, nadie me va a echar de menos.

Gracias a todos por hacerme sentir tan sola e poco importante

Ya ni puedo pensar en nada que decir

Everything is going to be alright, it has to be. Doesn't it?

Am I not important at all?

Hi, I'm here you know, I do exist. Why do I have to be the one that always talks first? If I didn't none of you would even give me the time of day. I'd do anything for you guys, the best friends I've ever had but, I never seem important enough.
What do I have to do? I would be nice to seem wanted for once...

Keep your head up, keep your heart strong

Hey world, it's me again. Yep let me just bore you with some of my rubbish, I don't really know what to write about at the moment. I'm in the weird kinda place where things are just pretty fucked up. I can get really hyper and happy and in a second I just hit rock bottom. IT SUCKS!

People don't tend to help much either, some do and I love them for it, others make me want to scream. I deal with it all quite well I think. I haven't killed anyone yet, put it that way.

I don't sleep very well anymore so I'm always tired and on edge. Don't piss me off, you'll regret it believe me.

I'm going to live by this lyric, it's from a Ben Howard song and it's just brilliant:

"Keep you head up, keep your heart strong".

Wise words, wise words indeed.

It's not my fault I'm not pretty or skinny, clever or funny, confident or special. No self esteem or hand eye coordination. I don't really like people and they don't like me. I've always had to really scream for attention, but never been able to enjoy it. I used to be happy all the time, never needed a reason. Somedays I struggle to keep my head above water. I get scared of the dark a lot more now, it makes me feel pathetic and weak. And I still get so nervous around people, few people really know me.
All I want is to love myself just the way I am.